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Not that I’m suggesting you follow my example, mind. Anyhow, I think I’ve about finished in here, so I’d better wipe.’ Taking two long strips of loo paper off the roll, Anne wiped herself more perfunctorily than Barnaby had expected in view of the load she’d dropped, adjusted her clothing, and washed her hands, not bothering to flush the toilet. Reaching for a comb and running through her hair, she continued talking. ‘Barnaby, Brian and I were talking last night and we’ve decided that at twenty you’re far too old for uncles and aunts. We’ve decided that from now on you can just call us Brian and Anne. Is that okay?’ ‘Yes, that’s fine,’ Barnaby mumbled. ‘Also, we’ve decided that you’re really much too old for presents. We did think that a modest contribution towards the cost of uni would be in order though, so I’ve written you a cheque for a thousand pounds. I don’t expect it all to be squandered on your next pub crawl, though. Perhaps you might like to put it towards something. "Please don't be angry or offended. I assure you, it's business." "Shoot," I said. "It has to do with you and your wife doing hardcore." "We haven't talked about that yet." "I know, but this could be a deal-breaker from my end." I started to ask what it was, and then I got it. "You want to know how well I'm hung," I said. "Got it in one," he said. "Nine inches, about yea big around." I held up my thumb and forefinger in a very familiar and easy to remember position. "Measured on the top or the bottom?" he asked. "On the top." He smiled and nodded. "That'll do," he said. "That'll do. Lot of pros don't pack that much meat. Okay, that's all." I thought of something," I said. "If Millie agrees to that--and I don't know if she will--one thing that might make the difference is if you can come to our home and tape us there." "That's doable," he said instantly. "We do location shoots all the time for the magazine. No reason your place couldn't be a location for some video work." "I'll try to.
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